I’ve decided to take a photo of myself in a bikini (that doesn’t fit properly at all right now) every 10 days during this adventure and on day 100 it better fit properly!

The last time I was comfortable in a bikini I was 26 and on my honeymoon at a Sandals resort in Jamaica.

I came across the photos from that trip while cleaning out some boxes buried in my closet. It stung a bit to have his face on these images in my hands – but it wasn’t pain this time. It wasn’t even regret. It was just disappointment that the whole thing ever happened. That I was ever that naive. What a mark I was. The rube in his long con.

I recently shared the list of things to accomplish in these 100 days. Totally forgot to add an important one…dip my toe in the dating pool again. How could I forget that one! I must be getting old…

I don’t think I can handle the online dating apps that my younger friends have used, including Tinder, Hinge, Bumble and Match. I’d have to use the ones for mature audiences only like Silver Singles or God help me, OurTime.

It’s time. It’s time. It’s time.

First 10-day sprint is done! Woo hoo! It would be nice to say that giving up the carbs resulted in a loss of 10 pounds in 10 days – but no. I did lose 4 though, so I’m pretty happy about that. Did I mention the reduction in the acid reflux I experience at night…now that I’ve stopped the bread? My nutritionist told me that the reason bread hurts my stomach, bloats me, and gives me acid reflux at night is the inflammation it causes in my stomach and intestines. That plus the fact that the wheat in this country has been tainted with poisons from the pesticides, which make their way into the bread and then our stomachs. It sounds hard to believe, but apparently, to test the theory you can eat a lovely sandwich in Europe and have none of the side effects of eating a sandwich here. They have different standards for treating crops over there.

Crazy. Crazy. Crazy.

Shall I share my list of things to accomplish in 100 days besides the carb-banning weight loss?

I’ve already mentioned the annulment papers that need filling out

Then there are all these other tasks:
Cleaning out and organizing the garage
Cleaning out and downsizing the collection of clothes in my closet
Filing paperwork to become a Notary Public
Looking for an additional job
Investing in VO equipment
Finishing a photo book for each of my parents
Reconfiguring my home “office” to be more organized and appealing

Can I get it all done in the next 91 days?

I hope. I hope. I hope.

Getting closer to the 10 day finish line for the first sprint! Hard to do, but it makes such a difference to give up soda and bread! Giving up the other carbs helps too, but the lack of those two foods in particular make my body feel so much better.

My daughter can eat anything she wants all day including lots of toast and just the smell of it makes me crave it. But I won’t give in.

I won’t. I won’t. I won’t.

My friend Jane Roper has a great blog called “Jane’s Calamity” and she is a helluva writer. She has published 2 books, one memoir and one fiction novel and I met her back in 2001 when I hired her at a Boston company to replace me when I was going on maternity leave with my twins. She had twins a few years later and they are the subject of her memoir, Double Time. I’m a bit envious of her prolific contributions to the literary world. I wish I had the discipline to sit and write for hours a day, putting pen to paper or digits to desktop, but I’m not there yet. I think my grand opus at this point will be my damn annulment papers, which require rehashing all the terrible stories no one ever knew about my marriage. Not looking forward to it.

Did I mention that already?

As for the carb intake – I’m holding steady. I wish I could do the drastic thing and have only bone broth for dinner and stop eating at 6 pm every night.

I wish. I wish. I wish.

Doing well with the avoidance of bread and soda for the waistline. Otherwise feeling a little blue (could it be due in part to the absence of carbs?!) Maybe it’s due to the general loneliness and colder, darker days. The dreariness is no one’s friend.

Working from home for so long definitely hits me harder some days. This is one of them. I would like to be one of those people who found their dream job and looks forward to it every day…but I’m just not in those ranks yet.

Sometimes my mood can change due to the consumption of carbs….sometimes to the consumption of a good tune. I love it when I discover a song with spot-on lyrics that sum up my feelings and articulate them in a way that I can’t. One song that does it well is “Girls Chase Boys” by Ingrid Michaelson with lovely lyrics about the fact that even broken hearts will continue to beat.

It’s not a new song but it seems relevant to me.

I am not a huge fan of podcasts in general, but a lot of my coworkers – back when we shared office space – were obsessed with different crime podcasts. I never got into those – I prefer my British crime procedurals on TV like Vera and Unforgotten. But I just can’t get enough of the podcast Smartless. Those guys make Mondays so much more bearable with their silly, witty (and often moronic) banter as they interview celebrity guests. It’s hard to get up on Mondays especially, but with the thought of a new episode to listen to…I’m up.

I’m half-way through my first 10-day sprint in this 100-day journey. So far so good for food intake, but I’m struggling to get in a routine of workouts at home. Going to Pilates on Friday will be rewarding but I have to get back on my treadmill and/or stationary bike at home soon. It’s just hard to get motivated.

I am craving a bagel like nobody’s business. The best bagels are Bruegger’s Bagels but they are a long ride away, so that makes them easier to avoid now. I am a bagel connoisseur at this point. I used to be fine with a Dunkin bagel or the local bagel shop’s bagels…even Bagel World. But those are really all very bland (and oversized) pieces of round bread. Bruegger’s Bagel bakery knows how to do it right. Chewy and flavorful dough on the inside, crunchy bite on the outside.

My body has arrived at the stage where the consumption of a bagel a day equates to a gained pound on the scale each day. I was really eating a lot of bagels for a while there. It didn’t help to be out of the office for COVID-19 for so long, where I didn’t need to fit into any clothes and no one really saw me. So bread, bagels, sandwiches, pizza…they really took their toll on my shape. I really wish I hadn’t done this damage. But since I can’t go back in time, I have to work on getting all those bagels removed from my figure.

Sticking to the no bread, no soda, no alcohol, no pasta, no rice rule so far. Had some carbs of course, in the form of chocolate, because I know I can’t go cold turkey on everything I like – just because it’s bad for me. Because that would be even worse for me.

I’ve read through the annulment papers again. As daunting a task as it is, the truth is that it’s just answering a ton of questions about my marriage, why I married, what red flags were present and why it ultimately ended. I’m a romantic at heart and really do believe in marriage as a permanent state. So, when the fissures became cracks that became chasms in my marriage…that was hard for me to accept. It’s not that I would say I failed at marriage, but the idea I had of what marriage was supposed to be…that is what failed me. I was naive and chose to believe the lies – the pretty, shiny promises were pretty hard to resist. But explaining all of that to a church tribunal is not going to be easy or pleasant. I really just don’t want to do it, but I know I have to start it soon so I can get it done in the next 97 days. That will be a big check box marked off my list. As my friend said to me “Do you really think you’re going to find a man out there who is your age, who is catholic, who hasn’t been married, or if he has…would actually want to be married in the church at this stage of life?” I get her point. I would basically be hunting a unicorn. But still I want to do it. More for my parents peace of mind than my own, but still it would be nice to have it. If only as a way to start again – a jumping off point for my future.